once a pon u time
Narrator

A shining light so bright on the internet,
wriggling with shittiness ever so said
made by a man who is golly damn right
I'm talking to you o on behalf of the web site

and when you see us shit out crappy complete guaranteed
a musical shitfest that only I can plead
we want to say thanks for making it right
when it's wrong
and making it mostly sometimes wrong when it is right

so relax yourself, you deserve it of course
thinking of everything you made in retrospective discourse
or should I say o course because the f is paid to respect,
when obviously what else would you even expect

[RAP]

Tirantbacon:

Epik rap
happy holidays, I hope you get gifts higher than the high you even have be in order to be that guy
when a guy like you comes right around it so often is looked like a mystery, wrapped in a riddle taped on tv
so when I say thanks, and on behalf us all, we mean it well, I mean look at it all!
with all the memes accumulating as one, we wanna say thanks a tonne for being there to answer our prayers
while the huss man eats his toblerone, as the internet gives him swears.

THE O RAP
Bambosh:

Every day when I open the link to Homestuck
I always feel a little twinge, a twinge of conk suck
But now the o man's come to answer our prayers,
He's fresher than the fucking fresh prince of bel air,
Updating his brand new comic, as cool as he can be
Showing the absolute fuck out of that hack called Hussie
So what I'm saying o, is that I appreciate your flavour,
And that you'll now be known
As the homestuck reader’s saviour

middle rap
they say it's a homestuck sequel / this shit's even tighter than prequel / even if you’re as furry as svix / cool and new make the perfect mix

even bolin in his confessional / admits there is none more professional / and the scottish composer malcolm / weeps at this writing smoother than talcum

Every morning with my bacon / I'd go and salt alongside Makin / Now it seems my salt is gone / Cured, perchance, by o and jhon

We are cool and new
​[A NUMBER ONE SINGING INTERUDE BY RENNS]

(Hey!)

(We're Cool and New)
(Hey!)
(We're Cool and New)

Now listen closely

Here's a little lesson for web comics
This is going down as the best gimmick
If you wanna be like Toby Cool and New
You have to catch Andrew Hussie on the cue

Just follow my memes, and shit around.
Be careful not to post those leaks.

“ARG”
No, don't post that!

(We're Cool and New)
(Hey!)
(We're Cool and New)

HAHAHAH

Now look at this song, that I have made
When I hit play, be ready to quake

(AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA)

Uh, let's try something else

Now watch and learn, here's the deal
You slip and slide on this banana peel [author's notes, this verse is too good of a rhyme, i refuse to change this]

(ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
(We're Cool and New)
(Hey!)
(ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
(We're Cool and New)
(ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)
(We're Cool and New)
(Hey!)
(ba-ba-biddly-ba-ba-ba-ba, ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba-ba)

(We're Cool and New)
(Hey!)
(Hey!)

Lats rap
[Back to Tirant]

Okay that was silly
And I kinda admit these doritos are getting
Kinda chili (hot u DUNKASS)
Our appreciation for this webcomic
is more than cool and new
That’s right o we’re still talking to you
It’s about an ignited fixation of concentrated causation
That results in fiery blazin’ of fandom inflation
Without the cool and new
Our thoughts of it all would be...
Wayy past due
And our interested infested rearranged contested ideas got molested

By a man with all the fame and bold calamity
And then taken over by lame and old insanity

A WHICKED TIRANTIY (AAAA)
And it makes people say…
“O” my god