Radiation: The talents of Pablo Picasso in his prime...

Radiation: Oh, I didn’t see you there. It’s me, Toby “Radiation” Fox, and I want to talk to you about the coolest and newest fandom on the internet.

Radiation: What, you come in here to get some tingles? People on Bandcamp will listen to anything! OHH! OHH! OHH! OHH!

Radiation: What fandom is it you may ask? Well, it’s only for the best game ever made. You see, narratively, this game is a paragon of interactive storytelling. Every choice you make weighs on your conscience because every connection you make with the characters feels organic.

Radiation: Even the Pope agrees with me. In fact, he gave my game a 36 out of 5. Why, percentage wise, that’d be…

(720%)x4

Radiation: How cool. How new. Buy it.

(The second age of steam)x5

Texan: Hello and welcome to your Texas History Virtual Textbook Laserdisk. The subject of this lesson is DENTAL RECORDS.

Texan: As you can see here, I’ve got two full sets of human teeth outside my skull and inside this plastic canister. We’ve got a solid set of bicuspids today, and there will be plenty to be gleaned from such a pristine sample. It’s a little known fact that God made man to eat leafy shit, hence the shape of your teeth. Also today’s recipe.

Now I’ll proceed to the latter part of the lesson, in which I take the Texas Burger Bonanza Challenge, and eat 2.5 cheeseburgers in just under five seconds.

(Pokemon)(Go to the polls)x4

Bowman: Are you enjoying the tour of the facility? Excellent, excellent. Though, I must admit I've not been entirely straightforward with my intentions. For you see, YOU’VE FALLEN INTO MY ASMR TRAP. IT WAS ALL ACCORDING TO KEIKAKU.

(Keikaku means plan)

Bowman: Now, I will use my ASMR powers to open up a Patreon, and I’ll never have to make another commission again.

Good Cop: Hold it right there, Bowman.

Bowman: What? You’re not supposed to be here. Get back to the factory!

Marvin: No. We’re not gonna take this anymore.

Bowman: Treachery! Is no one loyal?

Texan: Looks like I’m about to get some new teeth for my collection!

Bowman: Somebody! TREASON! MURDER! HELP!!!

Toby: But nobody came.

Various: I get it. \ That was pretty good! \ Is that from that furry game? \ Really? \ >_>

Marvin: Take this!

Worker: You’re backyard done.

Bowman: Hi-ya! Take this! How about this?

Worker: You’re just like my dad!

Bowman: You’re gonna have to try harder than that!

Worker: No, no, no, no, no, no, no.

Worker: I’m gonna serve you for 32 days, and then you’re gonna die.

Bowman: I’m gonna hit you with an open G so heavy it’s going to resonate your whole atomic structure.

Worker: That really makes me tick!

Bowman: This is like the Olympics of stupid.

Worker: Have you ever been punched in the face? Well, you’re about to.

Bowman: NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!

Bowman: Ow Ow OW Oooh Eeeh Eeeh DEATH

Worker: We did it!.

Worker: Guys... let’s go home.

Evil laughter fades in.

Bowman: Those fools really thought they could defeat me. Little do they know, that I’m already 200 pages into my next novel: Pounded In The Butt By Angry ASMR Factory Workers!

Chuck: But as soon as that’s finished, I’ll get my revenge. Oh, Bowman, they'll say. Please spare us! We just wanted the ASMR! And i’ll say… “Bowman”? There is no Bowman. There is only Chuck now. And he’s going to make you tingle.