PART ONE

***************
GORDIAN: Are you done with the salt shaker?

GORDIAN: oh my-- you're not actually gonna eat that are you Megan?

GORDIAN: Megan?

*break*

MEGAN: I'm almost done with it.
***************

(main theme plays)

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GORDIAN: Sodium chloride

Sodium chloride

Megan you know that stuffs not good for you

MEGAN: but i love it!

GORDIAN: Sodium chloride

Slow form of su-i-cide

And it would suck if Megan died!

--------------------

MEGAN: I hate my fucking job

I sell little pieces of toast

They look like fucking boats

That's why they're called shiptoasts

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***************
NICOLE LINK: Miss Pouring, if we don't break even this month I don't see how we can make it.

MEGAN: (to her) We'll make it.

NICOLE: But--

MEGAN: WHAT did I say, Nicole? Now get back to work.

Fuck you, Andrea Hussie. This is all your fault.

You bitch.
***************

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I wanted to be a princess

And when I was a girl they told me that I could

"As long as you try your hardest"

If only I had asked 'em if I should

I founded a sub for Homestuck

Wish the fucking end was any good

Now all I wanna do is die

Someone tell me why-y-y

[She hates her fucking job]

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PART TWO

(Doctor intro)

***************
DOCTOR: Megan, this is your Doctor. The test results came back...

We tried to warn you about this, you know...

Anyway. We analyzed the salt content in your blood...

And we've come to the conclusion that, if you don't cut down your intake...

There's just no way you can survive.
***************

(Doctor continues)


MEGAN: someone, someone tell me

when I asked for this or

what my sin was to de-

serve this lot in life I

know I'm not the best of

people but you must be-

lieve me God if you are

out there I can change I

feel my self control my

salty sinful soul in

side me slip away I'll

end my life to day




CHORUS: oh - oh - oh - oh - oh - oh

(etc)

O: MY NAME IS O, DID SOMEBODY RING?

FOR I AM GOD, THE LORD OF ALL, EVERY H*CKING THING

GOD HEARD THY PRAY'R AND HE WILL ANSWER THEE

COME HOME, MY CHILD, SING ALONG WITH US AND THEN YOU SHALL BE FREE

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(spoken) Megan, listen. I'm sorry about what Hussie did to you.

I want to make sure what she did never happens to anyone again.

She's burning in hell as we speak,

being forced to make a video game that will never be completed.

If you come with me and ost back to heaven, we can all make high quality rips for eternity.

And Megan - will you marry me?

MEGAN: Yes! I will!

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[Feel Good Inc bassline]

(No way Sheen, no way Sheen, you're not as big a fan of Jimmy's dad as I am

No way Sheen, no way Sheen, you're not as big a fan of Jimmy's dad as I am)

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CHORUS: Cool and new web-co-mic

Cool and new web-co-mic

It saved the fandom and Megan too (it's true!)

O: Best fanmade property

MEGAN: Better than Hiveswap'll be

ALL: O, and it's all because of you!

GORDIAN: The music is shit and yet good too!

ALL: What can we say, it's Cool and New!